Tye Parks

Announcement: Amber and I are expecting TWINS in late June.  The pregnancy is something we were pursuing, twins…yeah that was a surprise. I thought you might enjoy a glimpse at my thoughts leading up to this life change.

So before Amber and I got pregnant we both talked it over with God and then each other.  We decided to pursue have kids but since I didn’t want Amber (or myself) to face extra pressure, I never posted this until now.  The fact that we are expecting twins shines a little light on to God’s sense of humor and just how selfish I must truly be. Enjoy!

(My previously un-posted Blog entry from August 2008)

So part of my retreat time was spent thinking about a big, forever, expensive and life changing decision.  No, not who to draft in fantasy football.  I was thinking about the timeline for Amber and I to start trying to have children.  I don’t know if other people think things through like this but we do.  By the time you read this Amber and I will have shared both our thoughts and hearts on the issue.

 Issue…having children is not an issue.  An issue sounds like a problem; I do not see the idea of having children as a problem. Problems have to be solved, children are straight forward, you have them or you don’t. The problem (because there is one) is me, I am selfish.  It took me a long time to consider marriage because I am selfish and then I got married and really learned just how selfish I really am.  I am no fool; children are going to show me how selfish I am even more. So do I hesitate to have children because they will further reveal a character deficit within me? Yes! No one likes their shortcoming to be put on display.  Why would someone be in a hurry to start a relationship with someone whose very existence is going to challenge the depths of your love and self sacrifice?  The issue is me. I know that I am selfish and part of me selfishly resists the prospect of having children now.

The question is when will my selfishness ever not be an issue? If I am going to wait until I am no longer selfish or I am willing to be routinely confronted with my selfishness, I might never have children!

This is where I am really amazed by God. He has every right to be selfish in creating us and everything around us but he goes to great levels of self sacrifice to care for us. He knew that in giving us the freedom to choose we would eventually mess everything up but he still made us, gave us choice and then stepped in to restore us when we had completely lost our way. End sermon.

God created me and hasn’t wiped me out despite the many reasons I have given Him to do so. I can bring children into the world and in the weakest way show them a glimpse of the way God loves them. They will test my patience and my selfishness but I really do need to be tested here, evidenced most by the fact that I don’t want to.

Don’t go planning a baby shower just yet. Amber and I still have to talk together about when is the right time. I am just sharing that I am more open the challenge.  I’ll let you know when it’s more than that.