I find it really hard to be quiet and to slow down. Earlier this week I took a few days to retreat and focus spiritually on the semester ahead. I kept letting the outside world creep in. I was trying to rest and listen to God but I kept working and adding to the noise. I want to blame society for conditioning us to always be doing something.
The fact is that I uncomfortable with the silence.
Now have heard people say that before and then they usually follow it up with “Because I am afraid what God will say to me.” This is not were my discomfort comes from, if it were I would not be out on a multi-day retreat that’s for sure. No my discomfort with silence comes down to loneliness. In my mind the silence (sometimes) makes me feel alone. I can enjoy silence but in 2 or 3 hours intervals. I hope that more opportunities to be silent, alone with God will help my stop worshiping noise.
Yeah, worshipping noise…I just thought of that. I do worship noise; it comforts me it makes me feel like I am not alone. But that is what God is suppose to do…hold on let me go turn off my music. We I feel up the silence I block out God’s voice and I rob God of the opportunity to comfort me and remind me that I am truly not alone.
Now the question is how do I turn down the volume in my head? Now before you start thinking I hear voices let me explain. I am always thinking. Thinking about what I have to get done, what I am doing later, what I should be doing and what I would like to be doing. That’s right, when I am alone in silence resting before God I am thinking I need to be doing something. I have a hard time convincing my head what I know in my heart. I am doing something important, more important than anything else. What I am doing before God will prepare me to do everything else with the necessary energy.
Thankfully God manages to prepare and comfort me around the noise.
Still, next retreat I really need to leave the noise at home.
yep….
WORD.